Youth - And Why We Shouldn’t Shed Tears When It Is Gone:
Undoubtedly our youth is one of the most important and well remembered phases in our life, the one which led from what we were then to what we are now. Youth is the seed out of which our life developed, it is a life forming agent.
But, once over, it is not really a thing to shed sirupy tears over because one has “lost“ it.
Yes it is true, there are things which a younger body is more capable of doing, and the joy of feeling my body in extremis is still something I dearly remember, as I do remember the thrill, the euphoria and ecstasy of first-time experiences. I have lost the ability to run as fast and arduously as I used to or jump over fences, swim across wide rivers or dance through endless nights. My skin developed cracks and crinkles, the smoothness, the good looks, the capability to please, seduce and win over just with these alone - all gone. Those days are over.
.
Most of what people say they miss when asked about their youth are physical attributes. Admittedly, loosing these is a somewhat unpleasant experience. Beauty is something I still very much cherish and youth and beauty seem to go together. But life has taught me that all, and I mean: all, is ending. So, loosing my youthful beauty falls into the same category as the sad regret I feel when I drop a cherished vase. I do feel sorry for the loss, grieve a while for the irrevocability of beauty now destroyed and gone, but I am grateful, too for the time I have been allowed to enjoy and revel in it.
What many don’t realize, though, is this enormous gain in other fields, mainly those of the mind, the soul, the over-all sense of being.
Gone are the days of insecurities and fears, of constantly felt anxieties, of that permanent pressure to please and fit in, this nagging need to live up to the (real or imagined) expectations of fellow co-beings or the world.
Gone are also the days of not really knowing what I am, where I belong to, what purpose or sense this life of me serves.
One of the great advantages of being older, if all goes moderately well, is the knowledge one picks up on the way, knowledge which helps to meet new situations less fearful, less surprised, less overwhelmed. At a certain age one has lived through almost every aspect of human life and experienced all manners of situations: kids were born, parents died, friends parted, relationships ended, former life-partners are no longer part of one’s life, one lived through illness, has had luck and has had bad luck. Very few remains menacing theory, reality has lost its terrifying power, one has learned to cope with it.
Dealing with everyday life became more relaxed and lead to (do I have to spell it out) a quieter, more content existence. I can act now instead of freeze in shock and fear. An invigorating achievement not to be underestimated.
Somewhere I read (I think it was Iris Murdoch) that human beings are “finders of substitutes“. In regard to my life I find that knowledge, experience, ease, calm and content are a good substitute for the desperate struggles of youth.
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